The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
