She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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