all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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