You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
