Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
