White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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