I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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