Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
