She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
