:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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