rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so let's talk penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
