Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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