you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
