that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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