I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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