She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize