He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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