You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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