hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
