Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
