God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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