Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
