my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
