So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
