yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize