and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
