i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
