I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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