would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
