so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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