Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
