i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
