I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
