I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
