I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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