Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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