oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
