Where did you get a picture of my penis
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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