I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
being pregnant is like rehab
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
