Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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