i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
