you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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