you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
