i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
