i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
