loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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