Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
3pm strippers are depressing
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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