just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize