Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
