mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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