soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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