It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
