At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
