I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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