I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
