Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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