i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
