in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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