True but thats because hes a fetus.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
