Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
