you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
