dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
