so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
