So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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