No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
