some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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