i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
